i know italian when i see italian

Philbert and I were discussing our lunches today.
I mentioned that I brought gnocchi and how much I love
reheating pasta.

Phil asked me "What is gnocchi? Is that supposed to be Italian?"

I explained to him that it was basically a "potato filled mini dumpling" to which he responded:
"What? Are you sure you know what you're talking about? I've eaten a lot of spaghetti and Italian foods in my day, and I've never once heard of that!"

I'm just going to tell him I invented gnocchi.

what does that even mean?

We drive across a road that is being worked on...
"Those are the Obama dollars right there."


Phil also just walked into my office and said
"Free to breathe!"
I looked at him, puzzled. I thought he meant the boss man had left.
"Isn't that what the banner out there says?" He asks. At this point
I realize what he is talking about
"Oh, yeah." I replied.

Phil begins to walk off and mumbles
"That's about the only thing that is free!"

snow plows are the weapon of choice

On the drive home Friday Phil began to grumble about how "they tell you one day eggs and steak are bad for you, and then the next day say these things are good for you. You know what I believe in? I believe in genes. If your family is healthy, you will be healthy. If your family lives long, you will live long. Unless you get hit by a car."

Gee, thanks for that wisdom, but cholesterol is still cholesterol.

While he was on this rant, he transitioned into grumbling about the way people tend to double park on a certain street.

"Puerto Ricans are always double parking! There is a spot right next to them, but they always park in the street!" I interrupt him to inform him that a lot of people do this...

"Yeah? Well I stop and yell 'What the fuck you doin?!' I'll tell you what. Wish I had a snow plow on the front of my car. Would smash them right into the curb."

"p" as in "phil"

I am sitting here listening to Phillip talk to a client. He was giving them his email address like this:

"'p' as in 'pass', yup, 'h' as in 'house', yeah got that? 'i' as in 'ill', got that? and then 'l' as in losers. Okay. now 'at', as in the 'at symbol'..."

I just love him because he loves going above and beyond. I think they know when you say 'at' you mean '@'. We do not live in 1920.

eating chinese is for suckers

Sometimes the ride home ends up okay. We can sometimes bitch about something stupid other people at work did, get a laugh out of it. Sometimes we talk about dinner. I always talk about dinner. I think about food a lot.

But of course I don't eat anything because vegetarians just eat air and drink the glistening morning dew off of leaves.

I was talking about wanting to eat at a restaurant named Rice & Noodles. Phil asked me what kind of food they had there, and I told him Vietnamese. His response to this was:

"I don't mess with Chinese. They are all dirty."

I was speechless for a while...

"Well, it actually isn't Chinese, it is Vietnamese. They are pretty different..." I said, staring at him.

"It is all the same anyway." He responded.

I sat speechless for the rest of the ride.