Phil is no ordinary man.
He is superior.
This is why he doesn't have to make use of the turn signals on his automobile.
Maybe they are broken?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
a disturbing discovery
It was my first day driving. I figured it would be an interesting experience because I obviously can't pretend to be asleep while I'm driving... but I had no idea what I was in store for.
I used music as my defense to avoid uncomfortable small talk. This is Phil though, so of course he had to do something irritating. He never wears his seat belt, ever. In my car, this causes a very irritating "seat belt alarm" to continuously ring. Does he not hear this alarm? I'm not sure.
Is it wrong of me to tell him to put that shit on? Do I even really want him to, since he will most likely stretch it out? So many unanswered questions.
So anyway, the drive was going fine.... until I see him picking his nose...
I just had to pretend I didn't see it.
I used music as my defense to avoid uncomfortable small talk. This is Phil though, so of course he had to do something irritating. He never wears his seat belt, ever. In my car, this causes a very irritating "seat belt alarm" to continuously ring. Does he not hear this alarm? I'm not sure.
Is it wrong of me to tell him to put that shit on? Do I even really want him to, since he will most likely stretch it out? So many unanswered questions.
So anyway, the drive was going fine.... until I see him picking his nose...
I just had to pretend I didn't see it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
mind-numbing silence
Phil and I live relatively close to one another and work kind of far away. After two months, it was decided that there was no reason not to carpool. By this point there were a few small things that drove me crazy about him, but nothing over the top. This arrangement was a great idea because of how much money I would be saving on gas.
The first day I noticed he doesn't listen to the radio. At all. Not even talk radio.
That is weird.
I get it, I understand that somehow there are people out there that don't listen to music. But to just drive in complete silence? There is no arguing the awkwardness of this situation. Pretty much the only thing we have in common is the fact that we like a certain baseball team and even then he rarely talks about them. When he does he just spews garbage that isn't even accurate.
So I came up with a beautiful plan. Always wear a hoodie and sunglasses. Generally I sleep on the morning car ride, but if I can't, he doesn't know that I'm awake because of my "disguise".
The only problem now is the fact that he doesn't brake like a normal person. Every time he needs to slow down or stop the car, it is just a slam of the brakes. Great for your neck and the car, sir.
Well done.
The first day I noticed he doesn't listen to the radio. At all. Not even talk radio.
That is weird.
I get it, I understand that somehow there are people out there that don't listen to music. But to just drive in complete silence? There is no arguing the awkwardness of this situation. Pretty much the only thing we have in common is the fact that we like a certain baseball team and even then he rarely talks about them. When he does he just spews garbage that isn't even accurate.
So I came up with a beautiful plan. Always wear a hoodie and sunglasses. Generally I sleep on the morning car ride, but if I can't, he doesn't know that I'm awake because of my "disguise".
The only problem now is the fact that he doesn't brake like a normal person. Every time he needs to slow down or stop the car, it is just a slam of the brakes. Great for your neck and the car, sir.
Well done.
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